The Consenting Adults Network built a new software solution to tackle many of the problems associated with online dating today. But can a “legitimate” adult online dating site survive in an industry dominated by behemoths? By Tom Smiley - 7/15/08
When I tell people that I am the lead developer for a new “discreet” online personals website called The Consenting Adults Network, they automatically assume we are another site that promotes smut and porn; which is not at all the case. It’s not that I am necessarily against porn per se, Larry Flynt is actually a personal hero of mine, it’s just that our product is so much more than that.
I will admit at first this used to bother me. For the last three years our team has worked relentlessly to develop what we consider a better, safer and more discreet online personals community for all adults. One where real users could actually find real people with similar interests without having to deal with the scams and fraud that seem to be an embedded part of the online dating industry today.
Online daters have been complaining for years about the problems they have to put up with, all in the name of meeting someone special. Many become frustrated with the level of quality on various sites and inadequate customer service. Others acknowledge they wouldn’t even considering using online dating because for them it is just too embarrassing. We attempt to address these issues with our innovative new software solution, a different business model, and actually taking the time to listen to our members.
Ok… so let’s back up second. We feel online dating sites in general are a great concept. What better way to overcome social and geographical boundaries than to give everybody access to like-minded people any time of day? Think about it, how do people begin dating? It is usually through some common aspect of their lives that they both share. How often is this because they went to the same school, work at the same company, or have a common acquaintance.
But what if you have a different schedule than them, or they live in a different area? Think about how one subtle change in your routine affects your day, let alone your life. Would you meet your partner waiting for the elevator or miss the opportunity because you were there five minutes before or after them? Maybe they are in a different building all together? Are you truly giving yourself the best opportunity to meet your counterpart that makes you happy, or are you settling? Kind of a crapshoot, isn’t it?
It’s because of this that we feel the Internet is such an awesome resource tool. The Internet allows people to meet others around the world with similar interests. Online dating is one small aspect of the World Wide Web, but a very important one in our opinion. Sites like Match.com, E-harmony and Yahoo Personals give people the opportunity to reach outside of their immediate world and find others that share their interests. Members can start becoming pro-active in their search for a partner instead of relying upon chance encounters.
But as with life, nothing is perfect and current online dating sites have their pros as well as their cons. What we see as a current problem with mainstream dating sites (like the ones mentioned above) is that they only cater to certain demographics and can exclude entire groups of people because they don’t fit their moral view of society. Life isn’t simple black and white though; it’s various shades of gray with a plethora of colors in between. Just like people! Most mainstream dating sites cater to straight-laced, single, heterosexual individuals. This excludes a large percentage of the population out there.
Another common problem is that many dating sites use members as bait to get new members to sign up. They ask “Jane” to express herself, wear her heart on her sleeve, and then make her profile available to all of her friends, family, co-workers and neighbors to view. Not a problem for some, but quite embarrassing for others. People tend to value their privacy and don’t necessarily want everybody they know their business. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are up to no good! They may simply rather not broadcast that they may be lonely, or looking for something more.
Now be honest. If you have tried online dating out of curiosity, what is the first thing you do? Most likely you search your local zip code to see which of your neighbors and friends are on the site… don’t you? In a perfect society you would be able to live your life without the fear of being judged or stereotyped. However, that is not the society we live in today. People make assumptions, and those assumptions can affect your personal and professional life. Many people I know would rather avoid the drama of it all, if they could, which is why many never consider giving online dating a real chance.
But if you truly wanted to find someone who shared your interests, whatever your interests may be, why wouldn’t you use every resource available to you? I often wonder if the woman I am standing next to in line, pass on the sidewalk, or see in the grocery store has the same interests as myself. How do you approach them? Society dictates that we act reserved and it is generally frowned upon to be forward. There are also so many different variables to consider when starting a conversation that it can be very awkward. Are they happily married? Divorced? Kinky? Even Gay? How do you know, the list can go on forever.
Traditional methods of meeting people are of course still available. They tend to take time though and results are limited. If you are a busy professional, then who has that time? Where do you fit it into your schedule? What are your colleagues going to think? These types of methods are also typically limited by social status and geography. (i.e. location) Finding someone that you can connect with can become very frustrating. So why not consider expanding your search? The Internet is a perfect tool for this. All people have to do is consider using it as a resource tool as opposed to just for “surfing”.
There are other dating sites out there for those shunned from the mainstream ones. These are generally considered “niche” dating sites or “adult” personals. The “niche” dating sites cater to people with specific interests or tastes, but can be somewhat limited in scope. The “adult” dating sites however are a much larger and robust dating site that usually covers various niches. Adult personals though, with all their promise and potential have become magnets for scammers are so inundated with fraud that most of them have basically turned into portals for porn.
Scams and fraud have long been a headache for the online dating industry. There are a couple of sites out there that attempt to seriously address it in our opinion, and there is even a clearinghouse of sorts called Iovation.com that attempts help to manage the issue. According to Mark Brooks of OnlinePersonalsWatch.com, “The online dating industry is getting a bad rap from scammers. Iovation can help by allowing the industry to share scammer device i.d. and behavioral info among us. The industry needs to unite on one front on this issue.” Although we agree with Mr. Brooks to an extent, we feel that the problem itself lies within the business and software models most dating sites currently use.
What we have done is take a common sense approach to the problem by integrating Identity Verification Protocols as the cornerstone to our new software solution. Although we can’t stop scams and fraud 100% (nobody can) we can limit who has access to our system. By dynamically verifying a member’s identity we can now be relatively certain that the member is who they say they are. What this does is allow us to restrict underage usage, limit scams and fraud as well as offer our member unique proprietary features that allow them to be more discreet while using our service.
Should a person attempt to run a scam on our site or defraud another member, we now have the necessary information to deal with the issue. Not just another faked I.P. address. Because we know who they are, they can be successfully banned for life and forwarded to the proper authorities if it so warrants. Can you think of a better deterrent than actually having a real name and address that a prosecutor could go after? If you have we would love to hear it! This technology also means that the members in our Premium Plans are in fact “real” people.
Our service is different in several other ways as well. Typical dating sites use a contact based model for paid membership subscriptions. In order for members to talk to “paying” members, they themselves usually have to upgrade to a paid membership as well. This isn’t exactly a “bad” model, but unfortunately some companies have resorted to unscrupulous tactics to con people into upgrading their membership.
One example would be some dating sites creating fake profiles and initiating contacts to new members. Baiting them to upgrade, if you will. At the Network we run a different membership model which emphasizes the quality of our service and lets members contact each other without forcing them to upgrade. Another example would be the common practice of leaving old profiles up to inflate membership numbers so people think their odds are better. We perform monthly housekeeping through our End of Month Protocols to help manage this and reflect an accurate member base.
We have also attempted to address the issue of a member’s privacy by building our membership structure on the Tier Based Membership Platform®. Each tier offers members a different level of service depending on their needs or wants. For example, our Plus Membership Plan (tier 3) requires members to meet our Felony & Sexual Offense Policy. However, the level below them (the Basic Plan, tier 2) does not.
What this does is allow members whom would like their potential partners to be screened for felonies the option of joining a level where all members must meet the same requirement. This does not exclude them though from contacting members on other tiers if they so wish. It does give members different options depending on their needs. As we said before, there are many variables to consider. Instead of forcing members to meet a certain standard we let them decide as to what is best for them.
This platform additionally gives those members an extra level of discretion. Should a Plus member not want to deal with others that have not been screened, they don’t have to. Lower tier members cannot view members on the tiers above them unless invited to do so. This allows the Plus member then to search for partners within their criteria specifications.
The Network also offers its members the Restricted List™ feature, which gives them additional resources to be discreet. Members can restrict who can view their profile by uploading various fields such as a Name, Address, Zip Code and even State. If you didn’t want your nosy neighbors to know you were a member of our site, you could simply restrict your zip code as an example. Your profile would then be removed from the search results of anyone performing a query from that zip code.
We are sure you could ponder the endless possibilities of such a powerful feature. This was a direct result of hearing about people in the public eye losing their jobs because of something found online about their personal life. From MySpace.com profiles to photos found on Flikr.com. In our opinion what people do in their personal lives is their business and shouldn’t affect their jobs and careers. Until it changes though, we all have to learn how to deal with it.
So at the end of the day we feel that we have created a very unique and legitimate online personals community where members can meet others with similar interests… discreetly. The Consenting Adults Network is a “real” service that “real” people can use. We feel confident that with our innovative ideas and the new software solution that our members can approach online dating with a little less skepticism and use every resource available to them to find happiness. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness… after all, isn’t that what it’s all about?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tom Smiley is the Lead Developer at The Consenting Adults Network. This article may be republished in its entirety without prior approval, however he asks that you please notify him that your are doing so. If you wish to use portions of the article, please obtain prior consent. All Rights Reserved. – tom.smiley@ca-network.org
